Women, Cats and Revenge.

I am thinking revenge is completely natural, which is why women, especially women, like cats.
I'll explain in a minute, but first let's fess up to our darker urges to retaliate. I have had many a dark thought in the revenge department. Most, if not nearly all, I have stifled and instead practiced the art of letting go, and letting go of wrongs done to you has to be an art form because it truly is a 'bitch' (bad dog pun here) to 'master'.

I once had a male friend tell untruths about me to a very close female friend of mine. My female friend and I sat dumbfounded over coffee in a restaurant as to why he would say such things. We drank more coffee and mulled over the options. Confront him, ignore him, repay the nasty talk favor and so on.. after numerous pots of coffee and fueling the fires of revenge we made our pact of vengeance. How sweet it is, even sweeter served cold?... well yes!

We procured a bottle of honey, that's the sweet part, next we went to his house about an hour before he had to leave for work, his car sitting in the drive as we had hoped. This next part is priceless, the served cold part, 35 degrees outside and one bottle of honey over the windshield.

Let me tell you, it was the so cathartic. No damage to the vehicle and a ton of work for him. He wasn't late for work but he did have to spend a lot of time to completely remove the nearly frozen honey from his windshield.

He later told me he knew it was us. Of course you did I told him, because you knew exactly who you had wronged.

So onto cats, women and revenge.

Cat had managed to swipe his tail across a plate full of syrup, this happened because he believes everything is for him and would not get off the table. (We are working on this) He then begins to whip his syrup covered tail around like Zoro. Now we have syrup on his sides, back and tail. I let him attempt to clean himself off and he discovers he doesn't like syrup, so I now have to bathe the beast. Have you ever had to bathe a cat?! They need to put a clause in life insurance policies to cover "death by cat bathing". You know it's true if you have attempted this.

After about twenty torturous minutes of yowling and claws of the demon we are finished. I dry him off and let him skulk away to pout.

I go about the rest of my day and night without seeing Cat, figuring he is still extremely ticked off with me and will show up when he's hungry.

Bedtime: I turn off the lights, lock the doors, brush my teeth,put jammies on and go to my room to climb into bed. I turn on the bed side light and there in the middle of my "dry clean only" comforter is a little gift from Cat. Hairball? Nope. A fragrant pile of cat poo.

Cat hid for two more days, but that was the only revenge he took. After spending sixty dollars to dry clean my comforter from his little retaliation, I'm thinking cat treats are just not in the budget this month. Revenge is natural, right?

Things that go bump!

I hate it when things in my apartment make noise that should not. Something shifting in the trash can (clink), or an object placed to close to the edge on top of the refrigerator and when the compressor kicks in (crash), a stack of books that topple over suddenly??? No, that is all Cat.

Living alone, well almost alone if you do not count the Cat, you learn the difference between what is normal "house noise" and "call 911" noise quickly, unless you have a cat. Then all noises require investigation. And who get's to investigate all alone armed only with a baseball bat and one fifteen pound eating and sleeping machine?
Yep, me.

I have found it helpful to compile a list of sounds ( compiled mentally, I do not have OCD yet, though Cat may drive me to it.) that do not require investigation. They are as follows:

1.The scraping sound of sand against an object. It is not the undead climbing out from under your bed. It is Cat in the litter box.

2.Meow- all forms. It is merely the Cat and his deluded self thinking the world revolves around him and his needs at two a.m. ( sounds like a man a little?)

3.The sound of paper being ripped, shredded and pulverized. (This sound I unfortunately have to investigate, only to make certain it is not anything of value, like tax forms!This is the only exception to the "do not need to investigate noise" rule)

4. The sounds of kitty kibble spilling onto the linoleum and being batted around for an hour.

5. The very distinctive crash of aluminum vertical blinds that have been displaced by the torpedo covered in fur in my bedroom window, now stalking shadows in the yard. ( Mighty predator..not!)

6. The distinctive sound of fabric, carpet or furniture being mutilated. Cat, once again, not using his scratching post and lowering the value of my possessions.

7. My favorite- Cat bouncing the lower kitchen cabinet doors open with his paw for no apparent reason other than to force me out of bed to secure the child safety lock on the cabinet door. Yes, I have child safety locks on my cupboards for the Cat. Not because he likes to go into the cupboards, he just like to bounce the doors? thump-bump-bump..pause...thump-bump-bump...pause. Is he composing something?

Seriously....It's as if I am living with a mental patient off it's med's. One of us is going to need medication soon. I wonder who's would be cheaper?

Introduction

In the still dark hours of the morning, I sit and click away at my keyboard and I am never alone, for there is a muse, of sorts, sitting not far from me; either staring me down, attempting to write his own thoughts out on my keyboard or trying to cram his fifteen pounds of flesh and fur onto the back of my computer chair. That would be the Cat. And I would be the Biped.

The more time I spend with Cat the more I am discovering there is much to be learned from his simple ways. Hopefully his amusements and mischief will amuse you also.


Biped and the Cat~