Things that go bump!

I hate it when things in my apartment make noise that should not. Something shifting in the trash can (clink), or an object placed to close to the edge on top of the refrigerator and when the compressor kicks in (crash), a stack of books that topple over suddenly??? No, that is all Cat.

Living alone, well almost alone if you do not count the Cat, you learn the difference between what is normal "house noise" and "call 911" noise quickly, unless you have a cat. Then all noises require investigation. And who get's to investigate all alone armed only with a baseball bat and one fifteen pound eating and sleeping machine?
Yep, me.

I have found it helpful to compile a list of sounds ( compiled mentally, I do not have OCD yet, though Cat may drive me to it.) that do not require investigation. They are as follows:

1.The scraping sound of sand against an object. It is not the undead climbing out from under your bed. It is Cat in the litter box.

2.Meow- all forms. It is merely the Cat and his deluded self thinking the world revolves around him and his needs at two a.m. ( sounds like a man a little?)

3.The sound of paper being ripped, shredded and pulverized. (This sound I unfortunately have to investigate, only to make certain it is not anything of value, like tax forms!This is the only exception to the "do not need to investigate noise" rule)

4. The sounds of kitty kibble spilling onto the linoleum and being batted around for an hour.

5. The very distinctive crash of aluminum vertical blinds that have been displaced by the torpedo covered in fur in my bedroom window, now stalking shadows in the yard. ( Mighty predator..not!)

6. The distinctive sound of fabric, carpet or furniture being mutilated. Cat, once again, not using his scratching post and lowering the value of my possessions.

7. My favorite- Cat bouncing the lower kitchen cabinet doors open with his paw for no apparent reason other than to force me out of bed to secure the child safety lock on the cabinet door. Yes, I have child safety locks on my cupboards for the Cat. Not because he likes to go into the cupboards, he just like to bounce the doors? thump-bump-bump..pause...thump-bump-bump...pause. Is he composing something?

Seriously....It's as if I am living with a mental patient off it's med's. One of us is going to need medication soon. I wonder who's would be cheaper?